His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
