Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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