My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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