Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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