i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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