dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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