i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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