he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
