She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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