I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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