it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
