Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
