Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
