awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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