Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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