he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
