i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
