You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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