I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
