Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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