all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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