so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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