Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
