Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
