woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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