Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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