I think I am morally bankrupt
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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