Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
