you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
