she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
