Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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