You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
