I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
