Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
