I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
