I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
