your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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