dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
