hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
