I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm bleeding and have questions
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
