I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
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I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
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Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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