there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
