my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
