I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
