did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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