So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
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I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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