Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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