Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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