Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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