Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
