I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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