Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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