I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
