I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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