I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
And then he peed in my hair
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