can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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