I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
