O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
