Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just had sex on a roof
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
