Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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