i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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