i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
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I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
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I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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