Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize