I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
