I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
